"For what do we live, but to make sport for our neighbours, and laugh at them in turn."
March 17th 2007 03:08
It is a truth universally acknowledged that she who screams loudest does not always get what she wants. At least it's a universally acknowledged truth in my household. It doesn't work for me, and it doesn't work for my daughter. The hissy-fit I threw on our 2004 Ski Trip to Hotham with my two best friends and our families did not enable me to watch "Neighbours", even though it is my favourite show and it was the night Dione was going to die, after plunging into the ocean in an old Commodore after marrying Toadie. Instead it provided an amusing anecdote for nights of reminiscence of when I lost it, being the "good girl" of the bunch (or "nerd", as they call me).
Likewise the hissy-fit my daughter threw on Thursday when I turned the car around and refused to take her to dancing after she forgot to pack all her music for her private Eisteddfod lesson, though we went through the list of all she needed to take that morning, and she claimed to have everything packed, did not achieve her aims.
It is amazing the length of time a child not getting their own way can cry. It is always done at a with as much public display as possible, with all the advantages of audio/visual evidence of their displeasure. Its aim, as well as to try and wear the opposing party down to a state of submission, is always to also cause as much embarrassment as possible to the person who has caused such distress. Of course, the cause is never the child's actions or behaviour, and the resulting consequences, but the mean parent/caregiver who dare set boundaries and not give in to every whim and desire of the child. Oh, well. "For what do we live, but to make sport for our neighbours, and laugh at them in turn" (Mr Bennett, "Pride and Prejudice").
"Ephesians 6
Children and Parents
1Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2"Honor your father and mother"—which is the first commandment with a promise— 3"that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth."[a] 4Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord."
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=ephesians%206:1-4;&version=31;
I try to live by the Word of God, believing it as being the best way to live, so therefore I should try and do what it says. I understand the first part alright. If my kids don't honour me and their dad, life won't go well for them. Clear enough. There is daily evidence of this. If my daughter doesn't eat all her dinner, she won't get dessert. If she doesn't clean her teeth well, like we ask her to, she may find more tooth decay. If she doesn't pack her own dancing gear, she might miss out. If my son bites me on the face and leaves teeth marks, he gets a big shock when I scream in agony, and then in displeasure when he gets "sin-binned" in the play-pen or his cot.
However I struggle with the next part. Not so much in understanding what it is like to have an exasperated child. "Of this we have daily proof!" (Lizzie Bennett in "Pride and Prejudice", BBC version [the one and only... It is a truth universally acknowledged that there will never be a Mr Darcy who is comparable to Colin Firth!]). However, where is the line where this exasperation causes alienation from the parent, and worse, from God?
My aim in getting my daughter to pack her own dancing gear is to encourage her to become responsible. After all, what would happen if one day she is accepted into the Australian Ballet School and forgets to pack her pointes? Though she's seven, is it unreasonable to expect her to be able to remember to check and double-check the contents of her bag, to ensure she has all that she needs to fully participate in class?
I could have turned the car around and let her get the music, and then rushed to get there in time, but would she learn anything from that, except Mummy will always pick up the pieces when I mess up. However, that won't always be the case. There will be times when I can't do this, such as when she (God forbid) goes out with some loser and has her heart broken, or she forgets to complete a major assessment task. I won't be doing her assignments for her (and it's beginning now, with the diorama project she's been assigned) if she doesn't. If I did, when do I draw the line? At the completion of her Bachelor degree?
My aim is for her to remember the sadness she felt at missing dancing once when young, so that she is more motivated to ensure she is prepared in future; not because Mum dotted all the i's and crossed all the t's, but because she has been raised to be an independent individual, able to exist in the world without her mother holding her hand.
Of course, I'd also like her to move out one day, and how could she pay the rent if she forgot to go to work?!
I do wish that those neighbours who witnessed the drama of Thursday afternoon, staged from her bedroom window, could appreciate the context of the tears, and the internal ones I shed as I struggle to raise a child far too much like myself, rather than jumping to conclusions that the child is being abused in some way (because why else would a child cry in their own home?). I do wish also that I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that that is what they are thinking. Because "that's when good neighbours become good friends".
Only on Channel Ten, 6:30 to 7pm, Monday to Friday. Not in reality.
It is amazing the length of time a child not getting their own way can cry. It is always done at a with as much public display as possible, with all the advantages of audio/visual evidence of their displeasure. Its aim, as well as to try and wear the opposing party down to a state of submission, is always to also cause as much embarrassment as possible to the person who has caused such distress. Of course, the cause is never the child's actions or behaviour, and the resulting consequences, but the mean parent/caregiver who dare set boundaries and not give in to every whim and desire of the child. Oh, well. "For what do we live, but to make sport for our neighbours, and laugh at them in turn" (Mr Bennett, "Pride and Prejudice").
"Ephesians 6
Children and Parents
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=ephesians%206:1-4;&version=31;
I try to live by the Word of God, believing it as being the best way to live, so therefore I should try and do what it says. I understand the first part alright. If my kids don't honour me and their dad, life won't go well for them. Clear enough. There is daily evidence of this. If my daughter doesn't eat all her dinner, she won't get dessert. If she doesn't clean her teeth well, like we ask her to, she may find more tooth decay. If she doesn't pack her own dancing gear, she might miss out. If my son bites me on the face and leaves teeth marks, he gets a big shock when I scream in agony, and then in displeasure when he gets "sin-binned" in the play-pen or his cot.
However I struggle with the next part. Not so much in understanding what it is like to have an exasperated child. "Of this we have daily proof!" (Lizzie Bennett in "Pride and Prejudice", BBC version [the one and only... It is a truth universally acknowledged that there will never be a Mr Darcy who is comparable to Colin Firth!]). However, where is the line where this exasperation causes alienation from the parent, and worse, from God?
My aim in getting my daughter to pack her own dancing gear is to encourage her to become responsible. After all, what would happen if one day she is accepted into the Australian Ballet School and forgets to pack her pointes? Though she's seven, is it unreasonable to expect her to be able to remember to check and double-check the contents of her bag, to ensure she has all that she needs to fully participate in class?
I could have turned the car around and let her get the music, and then rushed to get there in time, but would she learn anything from that, except Mummy will always pick up the pieces when I mess up. However, that won't always be the case. There will be times when I can't do this, such as when she (God forbid) goes out with some loser and has her heart broken, or she forgets to complete a major assessment task. I won't be doing her assignments for her (and it's beginning now, with the diorama project she's been assigned) if she doesn't. If I did, when do I draw the line? At the completion of her Bachelor degree?
My aim is for her to remember the sadness she felt at missing dancing once when young, so that she is more motivated to ensure she is prepared in future; not because Mum dotted all the i's and crossed all the t's, but because she has been raised to be an independent individual, able to exist in the world without her mother holding her hand.
Of course, I'd also like her to move out one day, and how could she pay the rent if she forgot to go to work?!
I do wish that those neighbours who witnessed the drama of Thursday afternoon, staged from her bedroom window, could appreciate the context of the tears, and the internal ones I shed as I struggle to raise a child far too much like myself, rather than jumping to conclusions that the child is being abused in some way (because why else would a child cry in their own home?). I do wish also that I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that that is what they are thinking. Because "that's when good neighbours become good friends".
Only on Channel Ten, 6:30 to 7pm, Monday to Friday. Not in reality.
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